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"YOU HAVE REACHED THE VOICE MAIL BOX OF XXX-XXX-XXXX. PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE.

voice. text. in person.
texts and messages will go to one of three phones
1 burner phone - 1 burner phone - 1 standard issue phone registered to DoloresH4ze
NONAH, NC. #003

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

magnitudes

buns of steel

don't search for turtle burger btw america is fucked up

Edited Date: 2016-12-23 04:15 am (UTC)

$nastygram: (C:\net.personality)$

From:

nastygram

Ummm ok don't worry I'm not some total internet turist

I AM a little pissed that you're image searching for these

From:

magnitudes

please picture me typing with just my index fingers and peering like an old lady

do you know to use different passwords
make sure to type all your searches into yahoo
always say yes to norton antibacterial

no these i saved to my device but I went to find more and got turtles made out of bacon and sausages

but hey when I get a turtle of my own no more search trauma

$nastygram: (C:\runic)$

From:

nastygram

I mean that's what I pictured ANYWAYS.......

Antibacterial lmao

Are you for real getting a turtle

From:

magnitudes

good good

I'm thinking about it. I have a parrot, I should probably make sure there isn't some ancient feud between psittacines and amniotes or something before I do.

$nastygram: (C:\bletch)$

From:

nastygram

Wow nice SCIENTIFIC names bitch that is some Latin I am so impressed

From:

magnitudes

you think that's impressive

I can also read ingredients off the back of instant mac-cheese packets and pronounce most of them right

by Australian standards, though. you'll never be able to prove I'm lying.

$nastygram: (C:\derf)$

From:

nastygram

Mumbling incomprehensible bs in an incomprehensible bs accent does noooooooot count

From:

magnitudes

way to be conservative about it

anyway, fun fact, in Greek we have a compound word for "wanker with a grater"
as you do; malakotriftis

$nastygram: (C:\kluge)$

From:

nastygram

Wow that's funny bc in American we have a cool word for "stop texting about shit I don't care about"

STFU

$nastygram: (C:\tty)$

From:

nastygram

JK tho I'm just busting your balls

Wanker with a grater is a pretty sweet phrase

From:

magnitudes

you? busting balls? that doesn't seem like you at all

part of me wonders why a grater
"wanker with a whisk" just doesn't have the same force, somehow

oh i think you'd appreciate "i malakía pái sinefo"
it translates to "great stupidity everywhere" but literally its kind of like wankers join the cloud or wanking becomes the cloud or something

I keep up to date with the most important shit

$nastygram: (C:\rude)$

From:

nastygram

Tbh dudes who own cheese graters are just a few unnecessary kitchen gadgets away from being TOTAL FOODIE DILLHOLES
Whisks are p common but with cheese graters it's like bro do you not know that they now sell shredded cheese by the bag

Ok but wait explain the cloud of wanking
Is this like a jizz cloud????

From:

magnitudes

or maybe they have grating personalities
that was good, don't even try to deny it
maybe a little cheesy but w/e

that's the thing, I don't even know! I mean it's not one of those linguistic nuances I could quiz my Yia Yia about
there's just this phrase about an ambient fog of wankers
a cloud of jizz is terrifying though
ten out of ten voters say worse than smog. not just because its jizz but its self important pompous jizz
ugh

$nastygram: (C:\tty)$

From:

nastygram

Omg shut the fffffuck up

[But that isn't denial so, whatever.]

So are you like ~~ finding your roots ~~ or what is this sudden greek info dump about

From:

magnitudes

nah

x2, I don't need to find my roots, they're well established
just dazzling you with my fascinating conversational skills I guess

$nastygram: (C:\forkbomb)$

From:

nastygram

Oh ok

If the word for turtle has anything to do with wanking I am going to get a Greek dictionary and shove it up your ass

Jizz clouds had better not be some weird theme

From:

magnitudes

location aside, that would be a very thoughtful gift, thanks

you started with the jizz clouds, okay, all I did was turn up with cute turtle pics. don't sweat it, cheló̱na, your spirit animal is safe.

imagine if someone had jizz clouds as a power though, jesus christ

$nastygram: (C:\net.personality)$

From:

nastygram

Adding book assplay to your fetish bingo huh???? I am so sorry I know this.

And so sorry that you made me consider jizz cloud powers. PLEASE FORGET MY NUMBER FOR REAL THIS TIME.

From:

magnitudes

only for you, babe xoxo

use your block button, you lazy bastard

$nastygram: (C:\UTSL)$

From:

nastygram

OR just stop texting me your kink shit

Babe

From:

magnitudes

is it actually kink shit when I'm saying I'm not into something?

schnookums

$nastygram: (C:\interruptslocksout)$

From:

nastygram

Sure, Jan

From:

magnitudes

marsha marsha marsha

oh, want to do shots later? Britpop and I are gonna work alphabetically through every cocktail ever made and draft our top picks
we might need help
but mostly I just want to do shots and be the target of scorn